


Life on The Finalizer

by starwarsfan16



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Crack, Gen, How Do I Tag, Hux Has No Chill, Hux hates Kylo, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Bad At Titles, I'm Sorry, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo is busy finishing what his grandfather started, My First AO3 Post, My First Fanfic, My First Work in This Fandom, Phasma is busy hunting TRAITORS!!!, Sorry Not Sorry, Tags Are Hard, The Author Regrets Nothing, This Is STUPID
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-12
Updated: 2017-01-29
Packaged: 2018-08-30 14:04:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8536033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starwarsfan16/pseuds/starwarsfan16
Summary: "REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!!!!!!" Hux's voice roared throughout the Finalizer. Kylo Ren had taken to having an infuriating habit of playing deafening music through the speakers on the Finalizer whenever he got mad.
This fic gives you an insight of some of the things which happen on The Finalizer, including the daily disagreements between General Hux and Kylo Ren.
Hope you enjoy!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I was originally just going to do this as a one-shot, but now I have decided that I want to continue it.  
> (I also changed the title of it so if any of you read this fic before I changed the title then i'm just telling so you don't get confused.)
> 
> I apologise in advance for any mistakes.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!!! :-):-):-)

"REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!!!!!!!!!!" Hux's voice roared throughout the Finalizer. Kylo Ren had taken to having an infuriating habit of playing deafening music through the speakers on the Finalizer whenever he got mad.

That was ever since Hux had told on him to Snoke about him destroying everything in sight with that shit lightsaber of his whenever he had one of his pathetic tantrums.  
"That fucked up emo bitch," he mumbled to himself as he marched his way to Ren's chambers.

It's not that he didn't like music, he was actually rather fond of it, but Ren's taste in music was..........rather unique............in a very BAD way!  
The music which he had claimed had helped him calm down was either The Imperial March or the heaviest, screamiest heavy metal known to all of existence.

As he pushed past a bunch of stormtroopers all blocking their ears, though he wondered how they could with their helmets on, he finally sighted Ren's door.

It had a piece of paper stuck to it which said in capitals: NO VADER HATERS!!!! THAT MEANS YOU TOO HUX!!! and next to it was a picture of him which Ren had taken on The First Orders last New Years party.  
He had recalled getting very drunk and waking up with a lot of different things drawn on his face, but not really caring because he had a massive hangover.

His eyes focused on the picture which was of him wearing a flower crown and smiling goofily with his eyes half open. On his face, there was a moustache, a monobrow, and some freckles all drawn in a black permenant marker. 

He could see very faintly glitter in his hair whilst towards his forehead and around his eyes was multicoloured graffitti, which he assumed was drawn by Kylo, Phasma, and some of the braver Troopers.

The paper was torn violently from the door as Hux screamed "THE BASTARD!" and proceeded to barge through his door, which to his surprise, was unlocked.

Kylo greeted him with an innocent smile and a  
"Can I help you General?"  
"WOULD YOU TURN THAT FUCKING THING  
OFF!!!!!!"  
"Yes i'm fine thank you, how are you?"

Hux could clearly feel that his face was bright red with rage, but he somehow managed to speak in a slightly calmer yet still threatening tone.  
"What was that shit on the door?"  
"What?" Kylo answered innocently, almost sweetly.  
"That thing hung up on your door," he hissed, voice practically laced with poison.  
"You mean me taking precautions?"

Hux's face filled with confusion and there was complete silence for a minute, except for the rumbling of Kylo's 'music'.  
"Last time you came in here, you insulted Darth Vader," he elaborated when Hux continued to remain silent.

Every time he came into this hellhole, he never got used to the ridiculously vast amount of Vader stuff in a relativly small space.  
The walls were covered with posters of Vader until there wasn't a single gap left to see the original wall.  
There was a model Death Star hanging from the pitch black ceiling as well as some models of various different types of ships which were used in The Empire.  
On the floor was a massive Vader rug which covered the majority of the room.  
Every inch was overflowing with Vader merchandise, a shelf with several, different, mini Vader toys, a Darth Vader shaped table which had a Vader mug on it, a desk with Vader on it complete with a Vader chair was holding many pices of stationary which, from what he could tell, all said I LOVE DARTH VADER on them. Even his bedding was Darth Vader!!!

Right in the centre of all this was Darth Vader's actual mask, sat upon a very well looked after sort of diaplay shelf thingy.  
That whiny bitch Ren had forced him to go back for all his shitty Vader stuff when Starkiller was about to explode!!!

He looked up from his musings to see that Kylo had got bored and gone back to listening to his fucked-up music.  
"CAN YOU TURN THAT SHIT OFF!!!!" Hux yelled, unable to hold back his anger for another second.  
Kylo replied by smirking then turning the music down VERY slightly.

"YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT!!" he screamed and started stomping angrily towards him, only to be stopped by the force of Kylo force-freezing him, and before he knew it, he was thrown out of the room to have the door slammed in his face.  
His music is then instantly turned up alot louder.

Hux's fists clenched and he had the urge to rip out all of his hair but didn't, due to the fact that Phasma was walking nearby and she would no doubt laugh at him.  
Phasma smirked loudly and Hux just stuck his middle finger up at her, unable to yell anymore than he already had.

Admitting defeat, he stormed off to try and find the furthest place from the source of Ren's music.

\------------------------------------------------------------- 

Kylo Ren sat cross-legged on his bed, snickering with laughter.  
Winding Hux up was by far the best thing to happen every day, and with that, he lay back and relaxed, still laughing at the look on Hux's face earlier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed it!  
> I am 99% likely to continue this so look out for updates in the future.
> 
> Any comments with suggestions or improvements are always welcome.
> 
> Thank you for reading! :-):-):-):-):-)


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux turns to Phasma for help..........

Captain Phasma was busy in her chambers when there was an unexpected knock at the door.  
"What do you want!?" she demanded as she unwilingly got up and marched towards the door.  
"I need your help with a very important matter." 

The door is flung open and Phasma is met with the face of a very desperate General Hux. "What is this very important matter you speak of?"  
He looked around cautiosly before replying quietly "Kylo fucking Ren." 

A smirk appeared on her face but she resisted the urge to burst out laughing.  
"And why would a superior officer such as yourself require my assistance to control a whiny emo brat?" 

"You don't understand, he litrally just sits there on his fucking bed, all fucking day, in his fucking stupid Vader hellhole, blasting fucking annoying music all throughout the fucking Finalizer!"

By this point, Hux was knelt down on the floor, begging to Phasma, very close to tears at his own frustration.  
"Fuck off," she said and the door was quickly slammed in his face. 

There wasn't a fucking chance she would help that lazy bitch.  


As soon as she had sat down to continue with her plans to hunt down FN-2187, there was another knock at the door.  
Decididing to ignore, she continued with her plans. 

It had only been a few minutes before the constant banging at the door was no longer tolerable.  
"Fuck!" she yelled before angrily getting up and marching towards the door, flinging it open for the second time that day.  
"What the fuck do you want?" Hux was questioned by a fuming Captain Phasma.  
"I thought I already told you that I require your assistance."  
"I thought I already told you to FUCK OFF!!!" 

And with that, the door was yet again slammed violently in his face.  
But that didn't get rid of the constant banging.  
"Please," Hux begged in his sweetest voice which was, unsurprisingly, not sweet at all.  
"Go fuck Supreme Leader Snoke!" 

There was a brief silence as he thought and finally, he spoke:  
"I'll pay you."  
"What?" she replied, hiding the confusion in her voice. 

In all the terrible years of her life where she had known General Hux, she would have never thought, even for a second, that he would ever be willing to offer someone something, no matter how desperate he was. 

"I'll pay you," he repeated.  
The door was sloooooowly opened again.  
"What with?" she asked, trying to sound casual.  
"What do you want?" 

She could tell clearly that he was regretting this already so she made it her mission to mess with him even more. 

"So, you'll do anything for my assistance?" "Almost anything," he hesitated for a bit,  
"I refuse to fuck Supreme Leader Snoke."

A smirk almost appeared on her face but she managed to hold it back, fearing it would ruin her act. She silently cursed herself for not wearing her helmet, as that would have made it alot easier.

"That's a problem then. Sorry, guess I can't help you," she turned around to leave but as she expected, Hux told her to wait.  
"Isn't there anything else I can do?" he pleaded despretely.  


"Hmm..........no, sorry, it's either that or you deal with Ren yourself." 

His face was filled with fear at the thought of having to deal with Ren alone, he thought for a while, then finally came to the conclusion that he would have to atleast try to plead a bit more, even if he was almost certain it wouldn't change anything.

"Anything, I'll do anything else you want."  
"Ok, there is one more thing you can do instead," Phasma started. 

His face was filled with excitement at the fact that his plan had actually worked, and he was being very careful not to do or say anything that would result in her changing her mind.  
"And that is to fuck Kylo Ren."

The pure horror on the Generals face was something which Phasma couldn't resist laughing at and as a result, Hux had probably realised that he was being messed with. 

"That wasn't fucking funny you know," he stated, face bright red with embarassment.  
She responded by smirking loudly, which eventually turned into laughter. 

Once she had controlled herself enough that she would be able to acknowlege what was being said, Hux spoke:  
"Are you going to actually help me or not?"  
"That depends, are you willing to help me in return?"  
"What do you need help with?" 

There was a big temptation within her to mess with him a bit further, but she resisted, knowing that he probably wouldn't fall for it again.  
So instead, she spoke:  
"So, if I help stop Ren from playing annoying music, then you would help me hunt down FN-2187?" 

A massive grin appeared on the Generals face.  
"Yes," he answered, astonished that she was actually willing to help,"Thank you." 

She gestured for him to come into her chambers, and he happily obliged. 

.....................................................................  


A few hours had passed and they had finally come up with a plan, after much arguing.  
"Ok, so when Ren goes to get food, we sneak into his chambers and crash the place," Phasma explained for about the seventh time.  
"Well, how is that going to stop him from playing music? If anything, it'll make him play more music."

She rolled her eyes in frustration and took a sip of her coffee before proceeding to explain:  
"Well if he's annoying you, then the only logical thing to do is annoy him back, and whilst you're at it, you can trash all his music devices."

There was a brief silence as Hux this all over in his mind.  
"So, just go in there and trash the place?" he questioned and Phasma nodded her reply before she got up and walked to another part of her chambers. Returning almost straight away with glitter and several different cans of graffitti. 

"You know, I don't see why you can't just tell on him to your precious Supreme Leader."  
"I already have, when he used to frequently take out his rage on the equipment. That just caused him to play fucking annoying music instead."

He thought for a second before adding:  
"And just so you know, I am NOT in a relationship with Supreme Leader Snoke!"

Her only reaction was to let out a big smirk before she questioned,  
"Are you ever gonna get off your ass and come or are you just gonna sit there?"

The General got up and walked over to the door where Phasma was waiting for him. 

"Do you have any pink dye?" Hux asked curiously.  
Fantasizing about trashing Ren's chambers was one of the best things he liked to do when he was passing the time, and now that the chance had finally come, he wanted to make sure it was done properly, and he wasn't against the idea of making a few adjustments to his wardrobe.  
"I have pink hair dye," she answered, holding a bottle of it in her free hand. In the time Hux spent thinking, Phasma had gone to retrieve the bottle of it she had stored away. At that moment, Hux's face lit up with joy, even better, he hadn't even thought about that, but now he had the chance, it was too big and exciting an opportunity to miss. He thanked her and took the bottle gratefully, this was going to be fun........

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> Hope you enjoyed it.  
> Please leave a comment saying what you thought.


	3. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux gets revenge...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating in ages!!!

There was a noisy chatter of stormtroopers, all happily eating and messing about in the messroom of the First Order.  
Many were throwing things around at eachother, whilst others had noisy conversations and happily ate their food.

The atmosphere was, surprisingly, a very fun and lively place.  
All eyes suddenly turned to the doorway as the chatter silenced and the throwing of food instantly stopped. Kylo Ren was stood there...

.......................................................................

"Are you sure he's gone?"Hux asked anxiously.  
They were stood outside Ren's chambers about to enter.

Phasma rolled her eyes before reassuring him for at least the third time:  
"I ordered the stormtroopers to inform me when Kylo Ren enters and leaves the messroom."

He nodded his acknowledgement as they proceeded to enter.  
"I think he's got a habit for always leaving the door open," Hux stated when the door opened without them having to shoot it down.

The sight of the place was no less shocking than all the previous unfortunate times he had to enter this hellhole.  
But for Phasma, it must have been a much worse experience because, telling from the expression on her face, she had obviously not been in here before.

"We better be quick," Phasma started, "I don't think he likes to hang about in places with other living things for very long."

They started with the graffitti first, taking cans of it and spraying insults about Vader all over the walls in bright colours.

"That'll probably piss him off," Phasma mumbled under her breath as she sprayed in bright pink 'VADER WAS A FAKE' across one of the walls, going over all of his precious Vader posters.

She had noticed that Hux had disappeared to the bathroom with the pink dye in hand, smirking when she realised what he was probably up to.

..........................................................................

There were several different bottles of stuff, some of which Hux had never even heard of, all scattered all around.  
It was obvious to anyone who walked in that whoever owned all this obviously cared alot about their hair.

"I wonder if the bitch will care about it as much when it's pink," Hux thought aloud as an evil grin appeared on his face.

It actually took him several minutes to locate where his shampoo was. Alot of the other things weren't actually to do with hair at all, Hux had realised after having to search through everything, he just liked to keep everything unorganised.  
This greatly irritated Hux as he preferred to keep all of his posessions neat and tidy.

He shook his head and started to pour the pink dye into his shampoo.   
Hopefully he wouldn't notice the colour of his shampoo, otherwise he would obviously realise that it was bright pink.

Just then, Phasma entered, glitter in her hands.  
"I was thinking that glitter would complete the look," she suggested.

The bottle is handed to Phasma and she pours practically all of the glitter into there, before handing it back to Hux so that he could place it where it was before.

They both walked back to the main room in Ren's chambers.  
When Hux saw what it looked like now, he almost cried with joy.

Practically all of the walls were covered with insults to Darth Vader, sprayed in all of the bright colours, and about half of his precious Vader shit was now pink and glittery.

His wardrobe was wide open and he could see all of his ugly robes.

A brilliant idea made it's way into Hux's mind and he instantly grabbed the rest of the graffitti from Phasma's hands.

He decided to use the colours of the rainbow for his brilliant idea. Rainbows aren't very evil so he was sure it'd piss him off.

Phasma came behind him with a smirk on her face to watch. Stripes of green, red, purple, yellow, blue, orange, and pink were sprayed all over his robes, in rainbow order, not leaving a single gap for the original black of his robes to be seen.

Hux stood back to admire his work.  
"We should probably get outta here now, Ren'll be back soon,"Phasma informed him.

"Alright, there's just one thing I need to do first though."

Hux's blaster was removed from his pocket and he made his way to Ren's bed, where his music devices lay.  
He never thought this great opportunity would ever be presented to him, but now that it was, it was too exciting to miss.

With one shot, he destroyed his music player, with another shot, his speakers were obliterated, he kept firing more and more shots, wrecking everything as he roared with rage.

It was only until Phasma had to literally drag him out before they got caught that he stopped firing, and started cackling with hysterical laughter instead.

Phasma ended up ditching him as soon as they reached far enough from Ren's chambers that he wouldn't spot them.  
She then returned to her own chambers, muttering curses under her breath to Hux for almost getting them caught.

.........................................................................

All that could be heard throughout the Finalizer that evening was loud roars, almost as deafening as the usual music.

Any Stormtrooper who came too close turned around immedietly, fleeing in the opposite direction as quickly as possible, fearing for their safety.

Soon the message had been spread that Kylo Ren was pissed and not to go within 100 metres of his chambers.

After a few hours, the screaming finally stopped , as Ren had decided to take a shower. But later continued when he saw the sight of his hair.

The roaring went on late into the night, and Hux was wide awake for every second of it, cackling loudly the whole time..........

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading!!!  
> Hope you enjoyed it!!! :-)
> 
> If anyone has any suggestions for this fic please comment them as I am kind of stuck for ideas.
> 
> Thanks again for reading!! :-)


End file.
